With all of the talk of the "Joe Average" and "Bachelorette" going on around the blogosphere, I've been thinking about how wrong it is to be put on the spot to choose someone under such circumstances. It's not only wrong for those people who fall in love too quickly with the "star" but also for the person who signed up for it thinking that it would get them some media exposure. Why would anyone want to toy with their future that way?
Scott and I got married the stress-free way. About a year from the date that we had met, we went down to the police station to see the magistrate and had a civil ceremony. Our witnesses were two people we found in the building.
Neither of our families were apprised of our doings until after the fact, though they were well aware of what our intentions were. We had been "shackin' up" for the majority of the duration of our relationship because it seemed like the right thing for us to be doing, although everyone had their opinions:
Grandma: "Why would he buy the cow if he's getting the milk for free?"
Mom-in-law: "Are you sure you want to do that? She's not even out of school yet..."
My grandmother wanted me to have a wedding because she has a list of things she wants me to have (like success, happiness, etc.). My mother wanted me to have a wedding because she likes weddings. In fact, she likes weddings more than she likes the marriages attached to them.
I wanted a wedding. I wanted the satisfaction of planning a wedding and having it turn out to be everyone's dream of what such an event should be. It just didn't seem practical at the time. I couldn't really expect anyone to foot the bill for it and I wasn't in any predicament to pay for it myself. And besides that, I wasn't enthused about the prospect of having a family reunion disaster involving drunk uncles, screaming siblings, and finger pointing.
What really tipped the scales against me having a real wedding ceremony was the fact that there wouldn't be anyone to walk me down the aisle. I'm as modern and forward-thinking as any card carrying feminist, however I couldn't in good conscience walk down the aisle alone knowing that wasn't the way I intended it to be.
The one person I had always hoped to give me away (my uncle Peter) had passed during my freshman year of college, and I certainly wasn't going to swallow my pride and call my father.
When the magistrate had us saying our vows, I didn't stand there wondering if everyone else was happy and if the caterers had shown up on time to set up dinner. I stood there looking at the man that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with and didn't have another care in the world.
I had a dream the other night where Uncle Pete was confirming that I had did the right thing and that I would be okay. I feel now that not only did I pick the right person, but the right person for always.
Posted by Tiffany at December 10, 2003 04:48 PM