February 21, 2005

Things that piss the Tiffany off, part 1 trillion

We're pretty democratic down at the jobstead. When we're ready to hire new people, well with two exceptions, everyone gets to put their feedback in. When you're working in a group that small it's sort of imperative that everyone be able to construct three contiguous sentences that aren't going to piss anyone off.

So, a couple of months ago when Oops! was in the hiring process, Mr. 9.9 recommended that we not hire her because he thought that she would "make excuses for not performing." Ha! That's a helluva mouthful coming from him. Anyway. The funny thing is that they're exactly alike in that aspect--though slightly different in their approaches. Ah, those Sagittariuses.

Mr. 9.9 blames everybody else when he does something else wrong. For example, he'll blame "the secretary" (Who the hell is that, anyway? I'm not his fucking secretary. I don't report to anyone in that office, and I mean anyone, except Bossman, and even he knows when to leave me the fuck alone. I will not screen your calls and I will not 'take a message' if you don't feel like talking to someone because you have nothing but bad news.) if he can't figure out how to answer a line in time. I'm going to cut him a new one the next time he tells someone that he'll have his "secretary fax one over." I got really pissed off at that one day and said, "I'm not a secretary." His response? "Well, what else can I tell them?" This coming from the same person who couldn't believe that a company would pay an executive assistant 45k per year. "I can't believe secretaries make that much."

[Let me take a moment to explain something to you. *speaks to noone in general* Secretaries do not graduate from tier one schools. Secretaries are not allowed access into their boss's office and computer to pay bills. Secretaries do NOT have access to all of the personal and medical information of everyone in the office. Secretaries do NOT do payroll. Do not be put off by the fact that my corporate title has the word "assistant" in it. Also, do not forget that my franchise title has the word "manager" in it. And if I go to McDonald's to get myself some breakfast, do not become pissed off at the fact that I didn't ask you if you wanted something. Further, do not become pissed and remind me that you always ask if I want something when you leave for lunch. The two times I asked you to bring me something back, whether it be an Advil for a splitting headache or a ginger ale for an upset stomach, you forgot, so fuck you. I am not your fucking intern and I will not do you favors unless I want to, capice?]

Or he'll blame whoever else for the fact that the office is closed for President's Day. "I don't know why we're taking that day off," he'll explain to a client. The dumbass...when we were putting the calendar together I do recall his input being next to zero. I tried to accomodate everyone's various wishes aside from "I like to go to Florida over the December holiday so we should take all of our days then."

Um, NO. As one of only two salaried people in the office I can say that if I have to earn days off, I'm sure as FUCK not going to wait until December to take them. I'll KILL your ass first.

Oops! on the other hand likes to blame Acts of God or other unchangeable situations for her failures. For example, if she calls someone by the wrong name of forgets to return a call, she'll simply say, "I'm sorry, it's Tuesday, you know how that is."

Right. Different approaches, but the same amount of excuses all the same. Let's see who I kill give a sternly worded warning to first.

Posted by Tiffany at February 21, 2005 01:01 PM | TrackBack
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