While everyone is out today doing whatever it is the do to celebrate their Pops, today for me is another Sunday. You see, my father and I are estranged. I should rewind and say that my father is estranged from at least four of his children (the ones I'm aware of, anyway.
You see, Pops is a Chronic Sperm Disseminator. Although my mother claims that I was "planned" and "wanted," everyone knows that my older sister is a shot-gun wedding baby. It later turned out that Mr. wasn't husband material and so he had to be dropped like a bad habit.
For a long time I really gave a damn that he wasn't active in our (collective "our" meaning me + sister + oldest half-sister) childhoods. He can't make the excuse that he "didn't know where we were." He always knew where I was, even if he couldn't put a finger on the others. I was at my grandmother's and didn't move until I left for college. He never called. He never sent birthday cards.
One year on Father's Day I had a real emotion breakdown because I felt unloved and ignored. I just couldn't wrap my mind around how someone could have all these good-looking, smart, and talented almost-grown kids around and didn't want to at least have a conversation with them. Sure, sending my grandma $20 or $30 a month would have been nice to help out with my lunch money, but you can't have everything, huh?
Over the past few years, I really stopped giving a shit. All of the male influences in my family were by then dead, a.w.o.l., or in a perpetual state of confusion.
I don't want or need shit from him - it's too late for all that now. I'm not even mad at him. I'm basically mellow to the situation and come to terms with the fact that if I ever come face to face with the dude again I'll have to utilize some real strong Jedi Mind Tricks to hold myself back from kicking his short ass.
To all of you dads out there doing what you're supposed to be doing, "Happy Father's Day!"
To the rest who are making excuses as to why they can't call their kid once a year to say "Hi, I think about you" - fuck you take some time to consider how it'll effect your kid.
Hi Tiffany
I'm a father of seven. I love each and every one of my kids for their unique talents and abilities. Sure they all have their problems we all do. I am also the youngest of seven. My family never kept in touch with me and I really can't remember if my father ever called me in his life. My mother is a great woman now 78 who has a whole different outlook on life. As long as we are all busy no need to bother us. So there can be years between talking to her. In fact it has been 4 years since we last saw each other. I remember a seven year period when we never even knew if we were still alive.
My point is people are people. Your father my be acting in the only way he knows how. He may have grown up in a family that just didn't know any better. Ask yourself this. What was it like for your father growing up? Get to know him unconditionally, because he is who you are and maybe who your children will be. Change can only come with knowledge. You owe it to him to understand how much he's hurting or how oblivious he is to your pain. Sure you can say "what ever". My second oldest son calls me all the time. I can leave it six months without calling him, but sure enough the phone rings and there he is. "Hi dad whazup". My oldest son once said how come you talk to him all the time and never to me. I know it my sound laim but "I get busy" self obsorbed s.o.b. or maybe I never took the time to ask my father "how are ya really! Wanna sit down and tell me the story of what life was like for you growing up"
You may need to tell your kids some day why your not acting how their world tells them you should be:)
Hi, John. If my father didn't make it so difficult to get to know him, as you suggest, I wouldn't have such a grudge against him.
Frankly, I think it was his responsibility to keep tabs on me and not the other way around. He has no idea that I got married or graduated from one of the best school in the country or even if I'm alive at all. I'm certain that it would pleasure him to know, however it's more convenient for him not to have to do what it takes find out.
I haven't seen the man in ten or eleven years and even then we were standing on two different sides of a fence. I can honestly say that he just DOESN'T CARE. I'm glad there are people who can know they're loved even if they don't communicate with their family in a long while, but in this situation of man with five kids by four women - he's just a deadbeat. I'm not going to make excuses for him. I stopped doing that a long time ago.
Posted by: Tiffany at June 20, 2005 03:47 PMI said Happy Father's Day to my dad yesterday. He passed away a couple of years ago now but that's alright. He's deeply missed still and was a wonderful man and a great role model to me and everyone else who knew him. In fact, I have his "Things To Try and Bear in Mind" taped to my computer speaker right now. Its a list of things to keep in mind when dealing with other people.
And, to any dad who isn't involved in their children's lives. You are not only shortchanging them but you are shortchanging yourself. Children are the most wonderful gift anyone could ever get. The time I get with my son is my favorite time of the day, especially when I can get him laughing and rolling around. I'm not so crazy about the cheesy poops but its part of the whole and I am mad, mad, madly in love with the whole package.
Posted by: Johnny Huh? at June 20, 2005 07:00 PMIf I slightly resembled you, I'd think we have the same father!
Posted by: MsThing at June 21, 2005 12:33 PMWe love you Tiffany... us not so bad Dad's... We love you.
Posted by: Keeme at June 24, 2005 04:27 AM