Don't say I never told ya.

You know, there's something they* don't tell you when you're shopping for your baby's layette and picking out cute little accessories to adorn your child's head and feet with. They don't tell you that your child can easily go through three separate outfit changes per day. Easily. They won't tell you, but I will. Buy cheap and a lot of it.

Roland is fed the way nature intended: laying sideways on a Boppy rooting around my chest for signs of milk while scratching the hell out of me with his dagger-tipped fingers eight times/day. Because he's breastfed, he poops a lot (breast milk being a helluva laxative). Not only does he poop a lot, but being an infant he has no qualms about setting off small explosions in his pants when he does go.

Although this is 2006 and disposable diapers are as advanced as we can hope they'll be, sometimes you can't prevent ... escapes. Sometimes, even the wee widdle socks can't even forgo being replaced during a diaper change. For that reason young babies need a lot of clothes that are easy to peel off, and momma needs to have clothes that are as close to disposable as possible (think about it). A bunch of cute little outfits with bows and ruffles aren't going to do you a damn bit of good when you feel something warm on your leg and you have to hold your kid at arm's length to prevent your clothes from being fully ruined.

My bottle of Shout stain remover with the little scrubbie brush has been my constant companion in the past three weeks. Tell your pregnant friends to add it to their gift registry, and to be prepared to use it indiscriminately at the very SUGGESTION of a stain.

*They = people who try to scare you with stories of parenthood while you're pregnant