That wasn't a misspelling. I do mean "hoe" as in "spade." (I have no reason to pay for sex, even if I was a dude). I've been working on cleaning out the numerous flower beds around the house and decided that I was at least one tool short of completing a certain patch.
First, we bought a rake--plastic, green and courtesy of Martha Stewart Inc. as K-Mart doesn't sell a whole heap else.
Next came the shovel because we needed to dig trenches. The neighbor kids like to throw pine cones at us when we walk outside because they're ill-trained little brats who won't be getting candy this Halloween. We dug holes to hide in and launch water baloon missiles. No, I'm lying. We bought a shovel to dig drainage runs. We actually got it at the Home Depot, who honestly doesn't have that many more brands than the local K-Mart.
Digging up weeds and roots with the shovel became a pain in the back, so I just got over it and bought the hoe. I was going to wait until spring time when I would actually be planting something, but the yard looks so bad right now that I just had to do it.
I had to go to Home Depot...my paycheck hadn't cleared and all I had was three bucks (that I was willing to spend) and a $7 gift card. The whole place had two hoe choices: the premium "like hell if I'm spending that for something that reminds me of someone bending over cotton in Ol' Virginny" brand, and the cheap-ass, "I'll bet it'll break as soon as it encounters a worm it doesn't like" alternative.
I bought the cheap-ass alternative and so far it has served me well. I still use it with my head turned away in case the metal part goes flying off.
Next thing: buying a chainsaw to demolish the kid's playset the lazy p.ho's left in the back yard. They said they would come get it, but oh well. Someone better stake a claim on it before we start playing "Monster Garage" on it.
Posted by Tiffany at October 24, 2003 06:24 PM